*life and the atkins-way-of-eating*

i am now two pounds heavier. thank goodness.ü and now i know that i have mom's metabolism. i have gained cheeks and an inch on my butt. haha.ü and i can still eat the ref. nyar.ü

i am now in limbo. funny me. i know how life can be a pain in the butt sometimes, and how it can sometimes can't be yours. that you have to give up something in order to have another. you can't have everything all at the same time. you constantly love in order to make things okay, but don't. you have to accept everything, or else not doing it will only make your heart more prone to these things.

i do not regret the past; i have every second of it... but i do learn. but sometimes, unconditional love is something that not all people will understand.

and so life goes on...

I'm so tired of being here
Supressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me...

i miss.
~*princessa

*haha, stupid. kiss me freak... AGAiN*

still do, still does... pfft. damn it! are these transition thingies this hard?! i haven't been so stupid in my whole life! white shirts, the blah and the blooh, candy pez, ice cream... what the heck is wrong?! what wnet wrong? i have tried, beaten some and then some more... pfft. darn... here's a song i loved so much by anggun, thank stupid princessa nicolette it does ring a bell.... well, it's a "sorta-music-review" with some of the lines.. i mean, i don't want to copy that again; only justifying that i listen to my head right now and my stomach that i'd want to touch the mac in the casserole already.ü the mac is just across me. haha, what a glut. anyway, here goes, foh reeeal...

...Friends threw some parties, I've been to them all there's not one that I missed..

i've been to almost every outdoor event, promise! well, not all i'm invited to, but hey, that's progress... but i know it isn't enough. what to do, what to do...

...And I've tried to spend my time with somebody new, But everyone still reminds me of you..

haha, stupid me. i like this guy. i've been crushing on him ever since i can remember. wait, that's dumb. *ponders* oh yeah, and so i do. maybe i did. but hey, that was like 6 years ago! he was cute then!! or was he that feeble-minded enough to make him cute? oh heck, anyway.. he doesn't work. he just fills the space like a pathetically rag comforter. that's going to make it worse. and well, well, tell me i'm such a bratty bitch but... he's fallen for me! i made a guy fall for me! *sarcastic, applause* and suddenly, i feel so sick again. eeew. and this guy? do i really like him? i dunno, all of a sudden. double eew... *barfs*

...And tried to play some songs that change my point of view, but every sound still reminds me of you..

yuck. spongecola, hale, alex band, incubus, the pathetic recording of pearl jam, mojofly, kitchie's latest release, anggun, wtf am i counting?! gawd, whatever i hear, i can relate.. whatever i sing, i relate... what i am writing/typing now.. i can relate! whoa, that's a big no-no, but what can i do? the voice, the sound, the related songs and the mutually favored. can i not listen to the radio without even remebering? gawd...

i cannnot lie, but i cannot face the truth; so here i am, typing into my hole of personal and unpersonal wanton blurbs... i face the world with a corrected smile, unreasonable reasoning, and the missing of a person who you get to see, hear, and feel... but unpresently there to convince you that it isn't the memories that you are talking to, but the sad oppressed reality that i cannot face the truth alone.

no, not yet. but i know i will.
when? i don't have an idea. so now, i will savor the faults of being princessa.
again, i miss.
~*princessa

*getting blog-quiz-crazy*

ohwkaaay... sorry bout this, but aren't there too many people to mention here?!üüü

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Jason is your soulmate.

You truly love Jason.

You consider Camie your true friend.

You know that Bonnie is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Jason for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Jason is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Marvin is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Rapao is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Rapao changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Mommy is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Mommy has a hidden internet romance.

What Do You Think of Your Friends?

*haha, kiss me freak...*

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

G A W D ! ! ! üüü how true was that?!


hmm... i seriously, honestly, truly forgot that it was the 23rd today.. haha, how unlikely for me.ü

i remember this person who told me about being bitter... how she'd make it through by being bitter so that it'll be okay. i don't think so. and that some people think that cutting off communication will work. naahh... i think that's stupid.

i have learned from dear jason himself that you don't have to suppress anything to make it go away, let it be, and everything's gonna be alright. i did. thanl gawd i did. i am on the way to being the right sane stupid me.ü thank goodness, thank you.ü

i'm still crushing. ehe.ü

well, c'est la vie, so they say. he is darn good-looking, anyway.. and who can match up to a nose that perfect? and the voice? GO FISH!!! it's just marvelous!!ü the charisma, the style?! well... GO FISH AGAIN!!!Ü

as of today, i am now an aspiring badminton playah... I WiSH!Ü

ehe, enough of this. if he reads this i'm well, sorta cooked fish.ü
i don't mind anyway.. he's still beby.ü

~*princessa

*it's been three years since; and two months since..*

okay, may 18 2002 was the day i was "vindicated". nyak, is that the word for it? no, wait.. oh yes.. may 18, 2002 was the day after i have sworn that i would never to enter politics, that it was just a mere platform to infamous political crap.

i was wrong. i ate those words. i did run for sk kagawad, and did win.ü and may 18, 2002 was the first day of the rest of my political life. never did i know it was coming. that was so darn stupid. but hey, i've learned we wouldn't be stepping down until year 2008 due to lack of funds. whaaa?! okay, i was expecting 2005, worse, 2007.. but 2008? ohwwkaay..

may 18, 2005. it's been two months since we parted ways. did i ever emotionally recover? do i have these thingies over and over? well, not really in the "good" stage yet, but i am trying my best to recuperate, bigtime.

i hate myself. i still miss. but darn, i have to do this. wish me the best.
~*princessa

*skinny minny*

and here i go to grope just one of the meanest things people would say.. "nikki is skinny". "nikki looks weird". "is nikki sick?".

gawd, and i thought being thin would cheer me up and make the world annoyed because they were too fat. *bawls* gawd, could that be something that could gobble my egoistic head in a split second? damn it! and so the life of the skinny minny princessa goes on.

eew. darn it. without the hair, the looks and now the scorned metabolism and the lost waist... what's next--brain drain?

gawd, forget it. i've lost a lot, and just maybe-JUST MAYBE, i could have it all back.

~*princessa

*the pizazz of being the "princessa"...*

well, well.. here i am again.. updating, doing nothing just to cool my head of this darn summer heat wave...ü damn, it IS hot!ü anyway, i got to think about myself lately.. is there anything i should be aware of? i mean, not in the stupid way, but i have been thinking lately about me.. me, and more of me. not that i am conceited or anything, but isn't it about time that i did give myself some credit?ü

i am second in a brood of eight. my patience can run for years. i am an ice cream addict. i love cheese, chocolate and i am the FAT SOCIETY'S WALKING INSULT.üüü i'd tell people that "but oh, nagpapakataba ako eh", and they'd raise their eyebrows with that incredulous "whaaaat?!" answer.ü i am also a hypermnesiac, it's good; but sometimes it does give you a pain in the butt. i hate math, i can never love that subject. i love literature, damn... i'd want to be someone like jessica zafra or nick joaquin. i can write by cramming.. not everybody can.ü haha, i am photogenic, so they say.. wakeke, but that doesn't make me pretty, after all.ü i love people... not that i am epal... haha, i know what you're thinking.. but i just love making friends.ü i have this honor.. oh, nevermind.ü i love life.. it has a million-and-one downs but i still can manage to go through it.ü

and yeah, i still love pEz. funny but true, but he is the best i'd ever had.üüü

too bad things aren't they way they are anymore... but thank God He has given us the time and space and memories enough to make us friiends for life.ü that's a promise.ü
~*princessa

*camp and some summer loving*

oh my goodness! i have never been so happy in my whole life, after this camp!ü it was held just last friday (as i've said) and heck, all the stress i had was almost gone by the time i went home!ü

let's groove tonight...

the first night started out a bit late... but i never was prepared for being a prayer warrior.. nice work krizia, marvs and bugi... mwahaha!ü with it's twists and turns, it turned out okay.. except that i didn't sleep until maybe around 4:30 am.. the twist was me and bea wouldn't want anybody knowing that we were still up, so we texted each other; thing is, we were just a bed away!ü krizia i think, didn't sleep, as usual.ü

saturday and it's twists...

a little am twists, funny lunch, jason coming around, and me-well, me and my breakdowns did shake that up a bit. everybody was nuts! with my exception after the majority of claret chapter came around. alterations, that is. i am a bit missing right now, but hopefully, i'll make it through. i have learned lots of lessons that day. and maybe, just maybe, i'll make it real soon.

oh, my gawd! it's true!

i denied the whole camp that i did crush on this guy.. he was hardly noticeable that friday... but when things got fixy, well... hello handsome! haha, that was marvelous!ü

the first day of the rest of my life...

saturday night's sleep was peaceful. i just hit the bed immediately and slept-bigtime!ü it's just that i kept hearing the song "best i ever had" over the radio.. okay, huhu. and well, that could be the last day i'd cry, but not the last day that i'll miss. maybe it is the first day of the rest of my life.ü

ate jonah...

this was written on my letterbox:
"i know that you are going to be a great leader! kahit anung problema dumaan sa'yo alam kong kaya mo yan. lovelife? well... kung 'di sha para sa'yo malamang mas may ipapalit si lord na mas pogi, sweet, religious, talented, open-minded, faithful, charming na guy... any girl does not deserve to be treated like that! you're special! god bless and good luck sa lovelife and sa studies! »ate jonah"

i'm praying on that.ü who? i dunno. when? dunno either. but whoever he may be, old or new... i'm just here, waiting.

and for you? you're just the best i ever had.

~*princessa

*mwah-ha-ha, humor meeh!*

Maria Francesca Domenica Trinidad Estrada's Aliases

Your movie star name: Corn Chips Honesto

Your fashion designer name is Maria Francesca Domenica Paris

Your socialite name is Oopie Malate

Your fly girl / guy name is M Est

Your detective name is Dog St. Vincent School

Your barfly name is Ice Cream Bailey's

Your soap opera name is Trinidad Naranghita

Your rock star name is Pez Lightning

Your star wars name is Marvod Estjac

Your punk rock band name is The Twisted Shorty

The Amazing Meganame Generator

Your Linguistic Profile:

30% General American English

25% Dixie

25% Yankee

15% Upper Midwestern

5% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

and i thought i wouldn't laugh at myself today...ü
~*pEz_princessa

*and oh, how dumb i can get*

okay now..

c'mon, let's get some chow...

life has never been so hard on me, ever! this is the hardest thing i've ever dealt with since "i-dunno-what-and-when". i have never been so happy and the same time dumbfounded with the one-track-mind i now weary upon. *bawls* labo. can i get my life back?! this horrenduous fallacies, a twisted person, wtf am i saying?! omg, i'm typing.. damn, and i'm not thinking! oooh, how saddie. bwahaha, i am OFFICIALLY not myself today. nyarnyar. except that the thought of camp chows my head off. i dunno that maybe i'd get to sing like a sick bird or something. is that my inferiority complex knocking? oh, heck, mebbe. damn it! am i even saying something good here?! *sob*

oh, so now i know that's why i wrote the "chow" thing.


i know i look dumb... why bother? oh, heck...

i have made a fool out of myself for the past month, people know it; my friends know it; he knows it (stop playing dumb), worse; his friends know it. muharhar, bigtime. what do i do about it? well, STILL play dumb. *sob* life is hard. only i know how weary i am of all this, and how i want to get over it all... but sometimes, it's just painful, after all that was said and done.

i don't want to look and feel dumb anymore. i just want my life back.

~*princessa

*transitions...*

it's been three years... waiiiit, i was just singing, sorry. :D well, the mind does forget, but the heart reminds your weary head every now and then that, "hellooo girl, hellooo.. you are missing someone!" damn it when that happens. thse twisted thingies do suck, bigtime. it is hard, you know, and this transtion ennui thing may help, but only in split seconds. i know that i am not feeling bad because of pms, but because the dumb missing thing. it's not funny, nor happily accepted. i feel sick at all times because of the doings of my hypermnesiac-run head. i guess that's why i didn't really have belief in myself. if i ever did sing that well, or if i did write that good, or if anyone DID ever care if i did sing and say, "pare, si nikki LANG yun. why make such a fuss?" or if anybody did love me. except my dawg, of course. and the world does come down crashing down. crash AND burn. ow, that hurt. haha, kiss me freak.

my head doesn't work well for the past months, especially when the thought of bringing "it" back makes me feel so low. wish me faith to get life back on track. after all, "it's been a long time since i cried and was left out of the blue".

~*princessa

*yes, it does, yes you do... very much.*

Still Reminds Me
Anggun

I cut off my hair
Put some red on every nail on my feet
I think it's pretty
I repainted all the rooms
Got a cat that I named June, obviously..
I think she's happy...
Friends threw some parties
I've been to them all there's not one that I missed...

c/o

And I've tried to spend my time with somebody new
But everyone still reminds me of you
i tried to play some songs that'd changed my point of view
But every sound still reminds me of you
I've done some walking
Listen to the people talk on the street...
I don't feel lonely..
I saw some movies
But your face kept coming back on the screen
I think I'm crazy
Can't make decisions
I could use some more distractions today

Chorus

(bridge)

I wonder where did I go wrong?...
What made you gone...
How I hate to feel alone.....
(somebody new...
....reminds me of you...)

Chorus

I've tried to spend my time with somebody new
But everyone still reminds me of you
Tried to play some songs that'd changed my point of view
But every sound still reminds me of you
i try to look for something that to hold on to
cause im lost
im numb without you
i tried to find some ways to free me from this blue
cause everything still reminds me of you
still remind me.......ohh....
(remind me of you...)
still remind me of you...

that's the hard part when you're on the road to recovery... and speaking of roads... i have been to the route of the lagro-anonas thingie on my way to tita gigi's... heck, like do i have to see that school?!ü

gosh, you still remind me of everything i have to leave behind.
i miss.
~*princessa

*he made me cry, bigtime..*

wahh! it seems i wouldn't want to read that testimonial again! *sobs*

just marvelous. i am missing again, as usual.
love you so much. even after all i've been through, life is a step more marvelous beyond extraordinary.ü


All I Want Is You Today
South Border

Some things never change
Some things will remain
Yet I always hope and pray
That I could change the day
And maybe find a way
To make you come to me


CHORUS 1
Yesterday doesn't matter
Tomorrow, we may not ever know
So listen to me now as I try to say
That all I want is you today


If you only knew
What you put me through
You might not have gone away
Have you ever felt
Even for a while
Something's missin' in your life


[Repeat CHORUS 1]


BRIDGE
That all I want is you today
If you don't need me anymore, don't say it
If you don't love me anymore, don't show it
Because this life I have is short
So maybe you could try for now to love me again


CHORUS 2
Yesterday doesn't matter
Tomorrow, I just might be gone
So listen to me now as I try to say
That all I want is you today


CODA
All I want is you today...


~*princessa