*life, love, jace and the so-called supergoddess*

hoohoow, this is such a long entry...

"beauty queen of only eighteen, she had some trouble with herself..."


this life has never been so hard, so despicable, so tirng, so, so, pathetic. i have never been so alone in my life. ths is hell. ugh. i had this kinda blooper (if that's what you call it) ths morning; falling from two flights of stairs at mom's client's house. nyahaha, that is soo embarrassing. only for my mom to find out after almost a month of denying that nothing is wrong, she knows. it's not just a simple chest pain. it is angina pectoris. angina pectoris doesn't have anything to do with the female body part; i know what some guys are thinking. it's a severe occurring paroxysmal chest pain located at the upper rib cage associated with severe (so many severes... ugh) mental and emotional stress. whew. and that started almost a month and a few weeks ago. ow. okay, that's weird. i had this since our dumb breakup! waah! think it's funny? no way! it hurts, damn it, and sometimes shortness of breath isn't something i expected.. what crap. i didn't count on my mother knowing about this, but dear-old-doc had to ask... "what's on your mind?" stupid. so that's why mom had to know. she just said, "it's with her schooling and all." thanks.

tulad ng dati by the dawn

Tulad Ng Dati
the Dawn

Wala na akong makita sa iyong mga mata
Dati rati'y isang tingin mo lang alam ko na
Bakit ngayon ika'y nababalot sa kulay ng hatinggabi
Nagtatanong, nangangarap na ika'y magisnang muli

Kung may bagyo o kung tag-araw
Sa iyong damdamin
Sana ay makilala kang muli, tulad ng dati
Halika at lumapit kang muli, tulad ng dati

Wala na akong maramdaman sa iyong mga kamay
Dati rati'y isang hawak ko lang, alam ko na
Alam ko na
Kung may bagyo o kung tag-araw sa iyong damdamin
Sana ya makilala kang muli, tulad ng dati
Halika at lumapit kang muli, tulad ng dati...


haha, and i used to love this freaking song, now i don't because i relate. ugh. weird. sometimes i don't want to even listen to the radio, and i can't-and don't want to listen to r&b anyway! *bawls* this life can be so stressful, i hate it. life's so dumb unfair. and yeah, i am starting to have doubts on the "alternative rock princess" title. all because of a stupid girl... *hmmm...*

i should be over you, i should know better, but it's just not the case...

i should be yeah, oveeeerrr jace. nope, i'm not. after so many days-- yes, days not weeks, not even months after the 18th.. i am not okay. unwell. sick. mentally retarded already of all these things that go bump in my wee head. after trying in vain, a week of not crying over this, it failed. just last friday, last night (thursday) and yes, today. friday. wtf. marvelous. everything that'll change at least a bit, can't. no can do. ugh. life. especially when you entertain the idea of him texting (unlimitedly, fyi) the girlaloo. the ecthie-betchie slut. ugh. the rakizzzta (with the sarcastic "z"). she loves z. that's why her profile is so filled with ZZzZzZZZzZZZzzzz... and it's quite obvious why he likes her. i am sour graping, i admit. and i am bitter, i openly admit these all so that i you know how to deal with the pain-enduring princessa.

heck, i'm bitter.


i'll never forget the day i was cursed... i don't curse you, still...

do you remember, the 22nd night of april? *singing*. sorry, that was modified. i'll never forget that. pathetic... i was literally slapped in the face squarely.

happy monthsary!

nyak, how about ruining my day during the mawdella-for-a-day shoot last 23rd? it was for seventeen... it shpuld've been happy if he didn't greet me Happy Monthsary! damn, as if i didn't remember what day it was. but infront of rapao? gawd... how would he think i'd react? happily? sarcastically?! that was an insult, for crying out loud! here i am, trying to "pretend" that i am enjoying the so-called single life and you barge me with a "happy" day?! wtf! *sobs*

i should be enjoying this...

review on the first, i should be happy about being single, but nooooow... i am not. until the etchie-betchie slut entered the scenario. and finding out about the fish. *bawls* i feel so sick. *sob*

tried so hard to say goodbye...

haha, i know you know that i love maroon5. anyway, that isn't the point. but to end this crap, i still am sick, still crazy, still having these heart-in-throat feelings when he's around, still go kiligerz when he starts to sing, still love. i know he isn't the best, after all he has put me through; but i don't get to count the bad doughnuts, i count the good muffins he gives.ü it's hard, really. but i am earnestly trying to seek help, even if it means asking him for it himself.

i love you so much, but life is hard. help me out.

Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
y0u tWist t0 fit tHe moLd tHat i aM iN
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And i would gladly hit the road get up and go if i knew
That someday it w0uLd lEad mE baCk t0 y0u
tHat s0mEday it w0uLd lEad mE baCk t0 y0u

That may be aLL i nEeD
In darkness hE iS aLL i sEe
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on sunday morning
And i never want to leave..

~*princessa